So last Sunday night, I stayed up late and counted the votes, and then wrote out the results. Took me around 2 hours total. Then, the unthinkable happened. I made a typo, then hit backspace. The next thing I know, every word I had typed was highlighted and then, poof... it was all gone. My brilliant analysis of the first round, gone in less than a second. I'm almost tempted to just put out the brackets and forget about trying to do it over, but then I just can't. Then I got sick. Still feeling lousy. But I promised it wouldn't take forever. So, here we go again.
Round 1 results
In the Milli Vanilli Regional Achy Breaky Heart and Heartbeat prove they were the top 2 seeds for a reason easily knocking off Run Joey Run and She Blinded me With Science respectively. Torn Between Two Lovers knocks off what Blender magazine named as the worst song ever, We Built This City. There, it was number one on the dogpile, while here, it is not even in the worst 32. Go figure. Ice Ice Baby is moving forward after taking out the Spice Girls smarmy pop hit Wannabe, a song that barely made it into the field of 64. Smarmy pop... is that a genre? She Bangs doubled up over the frighteningly repetitive Mickey, a song that makes me throw up a little every time I hear it. In a mild upset, one of Britney's two entries into the competition is gone as Oh Baby Baby falls to the catastrophe that is Michael Bolton's How Am I Supposed to Live Without You , the song with the longest name in the competition and the longest whine in musical history. As it goes in the NCAA's, so it goes here. A 12 beat a 5 when I'm Too Sexy stole the thunder from The Bay City Rollers Saturday Night.
In the New Kids Regional, the seedings proved nearly perfect as the only upset was Eddie Murphy, a number 11 seed which probably should've ranked higher... or lower if you prefer... how about suckier? Does that make more sense? Anyway... Party All the Time has defeated a song that I felt had fearful four aspirations in The Macarena. Don't hang your head Los Del Rio... You still suck really bad. Other highlights included a near shutout. Barry Manilow's Mandy only got one vote while facing Everybody (Backstreet's Back) One down, one to go Barry. Other stompings were You Light up my Life and She's Like the Wind dominating over the Retched My Humps and the not nearly as bad Rhinestone Cowboy respectively. Loving you beat You're Beautiful... From a Distance over Don't Cry Out Loud... Having My Baby over Tragedy.... And finally My Heart Will Go On advanced over The Beat Goes on.
Village People Region... Once again the question was posed Do You Really Want to Hurt Me? Once again the answer was Hell yes we do! Rock me Amadeus easily avoids the humiliation of "beating" this POS and goes home. Oops I did it Again advances over Brand New Key. Sorry Britney. You don't get out of this thing that easily. Bye Bye Bye shows that people who are into this site aren't really into boy bands as NSynch trounced the disco era's Boogie Oogie Oogie. # 12 seed Yummy Yummy Yummy scores an upset over #5 I wanna sex you up and proves that repeating the same word three times in your title may seem clever at the time, but it's really not. The Girl is Mine moves forward with our first shutout in any round. It's unanimous, The Pina Colada song is not that bad. Really? Okay. Milkshake falls to slight underdog... very slight I am Woman... Muskrat Love moves forward with a slim defeat of Wonderful Christmastime, taking Sir Paul's solo stuff out of the competition. Now if we could just be sure he never does another duet with a guy. And finally, in overtime, Say , by John Mayer takes out The Cha-Cha Slide, leaving the incredibly talented? Mr. C. thankful that he didn't call it the Cha-Cha-Cha slide.
In the Air Supply region True struggled but came out ahead over Greatest Love of All. Your Body is a Wonderland outlasted Good Ol' Rocky Top proving that I'm not the only person who hates John Mayer. Never Gonna Give You Up Rickrolls into the next round defeating the avian lover Nellie Furtado's I'm Like a Bird. In a slight upset Rod Stewart takes down In The 2525 with Do Ya Think I'm Sexy . Michael Jackson showed the world that even the most disgustingly sappy, self-centered piece of trash, so-called song - I've Never Been to Me - with the worst Talk-us Interuptus or whatever the hell that thing you call she does in the middle is can be taken down if your song is just plain Bad. Feelings gets the gong and moves forward easily defeating the lyrically inane Who Let the Dogs Out. Last Christmas, which also happens to be the last Christmas song on our list fell in overtime on a late buzzer beater to Rico Suave . And the biggest shocker of the history of this tournament, a number one seed has fallen in the first round to the winner of the play-in game. Barbie Girl will NOT be in our final four as predicted beaten in a close match by The Thong Song.
Round of 32
Milli Vanilli Regional
1. Achy Breaky Heart, Billy Ray Cyrus vs 9. Ebony and Ivory, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder
4. Torn Between Two Lovers, Mary McGregor vs 12. I'm Too Sexy, Right Said Fred
3. Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice vs 11. How Am I Supposed to Live w/out You, Michael Bolton
7. She Bangs, Ricky Martin vs 2. Heartbeat, Don Johnson
New Kids Regional
1. You Light Up My Life, Debbie Boone vs 8. My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion
4. Having My Baby, Paul Anka vs 5. Everybody (Backstreet's Back), Backstreet Boys
3. From a Distance, Bette Midler vs 11. Party All the Time, Eddie Murphy
7. Lovin' You, Minnie Riperton vs 2. She's Like The Wind, Patrick Swayze
Village People Region
1. Do You Really Want to Hurt Me, Culture Club vs. 8. Oops I Dit It Again, Britney Spears
4. Bye Bye Bye, NSynch vs. 12. Yummy Yummy Yummy, The Ohio Express
3. The Girl is Mine, Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson vs. 11. I Am Woman, Helen Reddy
7. Say, John Mayer vs. 2. Muskrat Love, Captain and Tenille
Air Supply Region
16. Thong Song, Cisqo vs. 8. Bad, Michael Jackson
4. Never Gonna Give You Up, Rick Astley vs. 5. Your Body is a Wonderland, John Mayer
3. Feelings, Albert Morris vs. 11. Do Ya Think I'm Sexy, Rod Stewart
7. Rico Suave, Gerardo vs. 2. True, Spandau Ballet
As always vote for the WORST song of the two. Please vote for each match-up even if you can't decide which horror is the worst. Flip a coin. Thanks everyone for voting and we will see you in a couple of weeks!!